So, I don't often think about grade school. I mean, I guess I do sometimes when I'm at my parents' house but that's about it. A few days ago I was suddenly contacted by a former classmate of mine who had been trying to find me on the internet. My class is having a 20 year reunion this summer and he was trying to find everyone for the list.
At first I felt kind of happy about it like, "Oh, won't that be nice. Everyone will have fun stories and it'll just be great" but now I'm starting to realize that I didn't really like grade school all that much. In fact, now that I'm on this email list and I'm getting a constant barrage of emails from people yucking it up, re-living the good times, talking about recent times they've all hung out together...I'm just realizing that all the memories...and all the insecurities are flooding back in for me. Was I a total bully in grade school? Was I funny? Did people think I was better looking than I thought I was? Do people have good memories of me? I have no idea and, frankly, I'm a little scared to hear.
I'm not 10 years old anymore but man, it's it interesting how those feelings are still so strong?
I know I don't talk all that deep on my blog mostly because I'm not usually a blabber about personal stuff to the world but something about it just made me want to write it down. It's just interesting how I just realized how much that whole period of my life affected me...good and bad...but how that formed such a huge part of who I am. People are still affected by what their parents did, their classmates, their teachers. We're all shaped by our experiences in our lifetime and we just can't shake that.
I can only hope that my role in the life of my step sons, nieces and nephews will be one that they will look back on fondly and, hopefully, helps shape them into happy people.
No comments:
Post a Comment